| rainfall = new beginnings |
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| 03:55pm 25/12/2005 |
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On this Christmas afternoon, I am welcomed to the sounds of rainfall outside my apartment. Until the rain came and washed the remnants of this past week's grit and grime away, walking across the street outside of my house at night has been a challenge. As I looked over at the yellow line in the middle of the street, I still saw the dark red mark of where that man's head once laid and got a little sick to my stomach. Six days ago, I would have never thought I'd be staring outside of my window at a possibly dead man laying in the street.
It was a normal Sunday afternoon; my mother was at the dining room table and I was walking around the house to kill some time. As I walked from the dining room back to my room, I heard a loud THUNK. Of course living in New York, I didn't think that much of it. Perhaps someone dropped something in the street, or maybe it was a passing truck. They tend to make noises sometimes. The moment I reached my bedroom door, I hear my mother cry out: "Oh shit, there's been an accident!"
Wondering what she was talking about, I made my way back to the dining room area as she's opening the blinds to the window, and there he is: an elderly-looking white man on his side, legs sprawled out. He was bleeding profusely from his head, no movement at all on his part. A huge grey van was nearby, and a car mirror was on the ground in the middle of both of them. There was no doubt in my mind he'd been hit by this vehicle.
The whole scene played out like some sick television show: No less than 15 people stood around and watched. A Jewish teenager complete with yarmulke and a skateboard took a picture. The fire brigade showed up, followed by the police. The ambulance was the last to show up, but that didn't keep the police and paramedics on the fire truck from doing what they needed to do. The police kept curious onlookers back as the paramedics came and secured him on a flat, orange board, which was only temporary until the ambulance arrived and put him on a stretcher. Then off to a hospital he was taken, while the police stayed behind to deal with the van driver.
Witnessing the entire scene, a question popped up in my mind: what is it about the human condition that forces us to stop and look when something like this happens? Is it a case of being nosy, or are we generally concerned for that person's well being? Perhaps it might be something more... people love drama. Maybe we as humans secretly love horrifying scenes. That's why people can't turn away from watching a building burn. Maybe there's someone inside it, someone who needs rescuing. There are shows where we witness plastic surgery operations, or even crime shows such as Forensic Files that showcase ways of solving the most heinous crimes. Whatever it is, it will always be a part of our makeup, I guess. |
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| 11:46pm 18/12/2005 |
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So... I didn't win the laptop I wanted on eBay. It got too expensive during the last minute. In short, I've given up and I'm deciding to try this:
Please guys, help me out. If you don't want to do it, send it to someone who might. I'll bake you cookies. :) |
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| 12:42am 29/10/2005 |
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After reading some reviews, I have decided for my birthday on Friday I'm hitting up a bar. The information is as follows:
Onyx @ 168 Sullivan St.
I'd also like to go to the observatory on top of Rockefeller Center since it's opening the 1st of November and my birthday's on the 4th. I can reserve tickets from anywhere from 12-2, if anyone would get back to me. Tickets are $14 apiece. If no one wants to, I swear to god I will see Chicken Little by myself since it comes out that day. Don't test me.
The observatory is actually open now; they're having free previews until Sunday. If anyone wants to do that instead, hit me up on my cellphone or just leave a comment. We'd have to stand on a line to get vouchers on the 50th street side of the building, and I suggest going early because that line is longer than the one for SNL standby tickets.
I don't know what the dress code will be but for now I'll say casual, with the minimum being jeans, a nice shirt, and shoes of course. If you'd like to get further snazzed up, that's your call.
November 4th, save the date. Stay tuned for further details. |
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| so i've been tagged... |
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| 01:43pm 29/05/2005 |
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1) Total number of books I've owned?
God, don't make me count. They're all sitting in a bookshelf about 6 feet high, and some are in a box because they can't fit in the bookshelf. It's overloaded.
2) The last book I bought?
Some book in Japanese I got yesterday. It's awesome and it'll teach me how to make these awesome cats... if I can ever get it translated.
3) The last book I read?
The Art of Seduction
4) 5 books that mean a lot to me:
My journal... when I end up writing in it
She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb was a good one
Passing by Nella Larsen... who knew a book I had to read from a college course would be so good
Grimm's Complete Fairy tales... some of the tales are a little morbid and it's a good nighttime book
Intellectual Foreplay... it has a lot of good questions to ask other people
5) Tag 5 people and ask them to fill this out on their LJs
Meh... whoever wants to fill it out if they haven't already |
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| 07:38pm 30/04/2005 |
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Is it better to be friends first and lovers second, or lovers first and friends second? If you are lovers first, can you still bond as closely even if you weren't good friends or had no chemistry talking over the phone?
Thoughts please. |
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| it's like this thing knows me. |
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| 09:13pm 01/12/2004 |
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mood:  creative music: Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
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indeed. indeed it is.
i can't believe it's December already. it seems like this year went by so fast. kind of. i don't know why, but for some reason I'm feeling some form of christmas spirit. i feel like buying a christmas tree this year, sprucing it up with decorations and whatnot. it's been awhile since me and my mom took out the boxes of decorations and made a pine tree all pretty. then again, it kind of makes me sad they cut down all of these trees that take years to grow just so that people can put them up in their houses year after year, only to discard them after the season is over. bunch of tree-killers.
i can't believe i'm trying to learn how to knit to make a scarf for some guy for christmas. it's a pain in the ass teaching myself. whoever says knitting is therapeutic is a fucking liar.
is a knitted scarf for a guy a really shitty present? be honest with me people. i mean, it is from the heart and shit. i might just give up and buy him a book instead. |
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| wow... |
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| 02:18pm 18/09/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Maroon 5 - That's Not Enough
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I'm alive. It's so amazing. Yeah, I'm a slacker and I never update, but I do lurk around on lj all the time. Lurk lurk lurk.
Since I decided to take a break from school (which I think was kind of a stupid idea now), I started working about a month and a half ago. In the beginning it was great, but the initial feeling wore off. How come everything's always better when it's new?
I got into an argument with one of my coworkers, and I noticed he became really hostile towards me when I told him I didn't like the fact that he spoke to me in a condescending manner. I later found out he really didn't know what it meant, which is fairly amusing since the word isn't really all that difficult to figure out. I've noticed people get angry when someone else uses a word they tend not to understand.
The most awesome thing about my job is the fact that it's in a financial building and that there's a waterfall inside. I'm surprised I haven't looked at it as much as I thought I would've, although I'm pretty sure I'd get fired if I stared at that thing all day. There's also a guy who plays the plays the piano, and every day I get to hear "God Bless America" and other assorted patriotic songs. It's not so bad.
I don't know... I'm not so sure I like being in the workforce. I like receiving a paycheck, but taxes are killing me. I deal with difficult people everyday, and that's not including some of my coworkers. I thought college courses were long, but at least you get variation. I'm not so sure I can handle doing the same thing every single day for the rest of my life, even though this isn't going to be permanent.
Welcome to the beginning of adulthood, I guess. |
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| SNL aftermath |
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| 04:17pm 22/02/2004 |
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mood:  giddy music: Maroon 5... what else?
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Hell fucking yes.
T'was fun. Didn't get to meet Maroon 5 after, but I got to shake Kenan Thompson's hand. Not such a bad tradeoff. |
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| HELL YES! |
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| 08:03am 21/02/2004 |
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mood:  happy music: Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
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Can I just say I love Maroon 5? I just hope I get in tonight.
I would also like to add that I can't feel my toes. Standing outside for almost two hours will do that to you. |
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| 07:21pm 10/02/2004 |
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What attracts people to you?
brought to you by Quizilla
How come I don't feel like I am?
And yeah, I know this was a bullshit entry. I just don't know what to say. |
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| ..and she updates |
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| 08:40pm 31/12/2003 |
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mood: contemplative music: Amel Larrieux - Shine
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It's only right I end the year on a note. Some kind of note.
I was just thinking about my life for the past 20 years. I realize I loathed just about every school I ended up at, from elementary school to college. I didn't make a lot of friends in any of these schools either. I don't talk to anyone from elementary school, and there are only two people who I still talk to from junior high school. They were always a lot closer to each other, so I always felt like the third wheel around them. In high school I made a few more friends, and I still talk to at least three. Except for one that I lost touch with and caught up with later on in life, my high school friends were younger than me by a grade or so. It's funny how I can get along with people younger than me sometimes.
The funny thing is I can't really talk to a lot of people my own age. Either they're too immature, or I get shitted on by them. Don't get me wrong; I can act younger than my real age, but when it's time to be serious I can be. I've just never seen so much immaturity in people, and this year was the perfect example. I used to think that once you reach college age people would cut it out, but I guess not. I had a talk with someone about this and they think that I should invest in some older friends, possibly from 22-32.
Male influences don't exist in my life. No father, no brother, no male best friend that I can complain to when all the times get tough or whatever. I didn't even notice it until the other day when I started thinking about my father. I guess that semi-explains my bad luck in the relationship department. It also could be the fact I'm that *ugly* friend... every time I hang out with a friend or show pictures of my friends to other people, I always have to hear how cute my friend is. Well, that's great. Thanks for letting me know for the millionth time. I don't really give a shit how they look. What about me?
I hate people who complain about relationships when they're in them. I know that it's quality over quantity, but anyone who's been in more than 3 relationships and complains about trivial things that go on should either shut up and suck it up, or just end it. These people don't know how lucky they are. I've been completely and utterly alone for the past 9 years, and I've kept it in for such a long time. I guess that's why I'm so fucked up now. I'm so fucked up that when other people I know are going through problems, deep down inside I'm glad. Happy that they're not happy.
My relationships with people in the new year are not going to be the same as they've been this year. If I've been shitted on by anyone this year, it's doubtful I'll be closer to them next year. It's hard to go back to the way things were. |
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| hot damn! |
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| 01:31am 26/12/2003 |
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mood: complete music: Pink - Get This Party Started
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I FINALLY know what I want to do in life.
I did want to major in journalism and pursue something in the broadcast field, but I wasn't really too excited about it since someone else had suggested it to me and I just kind of ran with it. What I want to do now still involves journalism, so I'm not going to stray off the path too much. And with the change, Baruch will now cater to my needs. In the beginning I was a little pissed off that I ended up at a business school being that I wasn't going to take any business courses, but that's not the case now.
If only I figured this all out on my registration day, when everything wasn't closed. God dammit. |
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| dreams |
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| 11:43am 13/12/2003 |
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mood: contemplative music: Craig David - Key To My Heart
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I've been having some really disturbing dreams lately. Last night I had two dreams that I remember. The first one I remember was sort of a mini-dream where I was talking to an acquaintance who all of a sudden grew extremely tall. I remember feeling so small standing next to this giant of a person.
The next one was kinda crazy and had to last for a while. What started off as a dream straight out of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean turned into me getting shot many times. I'm serious; it went from Jack Sparrow trying to escape from the soldiers onto a boat into me falling into turbulent water with some guy after me. He was holding a modern-day gun and pretty much shot me in all the major places except for my face, which I tried to cover with my hands. So I'm wounded and bleeding, and I try to reach this little boat which shrunk into almost toy boat size when I got there. He's on the other side of the boat shooting at me, but somehow I got out of the water. I ran up some steps where he was on the bottom, pretty much teasing me with his gun and threatening to shoot me in the face. I've had a couple of dreams where I've been wounded with a gun, but this by far had to be the worst one I was faced with.
I don't know why I keep having these dreams, so I turned to my dream dictionary to look up definitions and give me a little insight. This dream was anything but positive. It doesn't take a genius, right? It seemed pretty negative from the beginning.
I wonder if this is what my life is going to be like. Negative, I mean. |
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| 05:18pm 19/11/2003 |
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Funny how everyone seems to be taking a break from each other... |
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| 11:55pm 15/11/2003 |
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mood:  blah music: Santa Esmeralda - Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
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I don't know why I bother getting out of bed in the morning. Everyone is such a huge disappointment. Especially dudes.
Is there a pill available that lets you feel absolutely no emotions? If so, I'm gonna need it. |
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| 02:33pm 14/11/2003 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Jason Mraz - You And I Both (acoustic)
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I hate liars. And people have lied to me.
If you don't want to tell me something, just say so. I'll leave it alone. I appreciate that more than people lying to my face.
Or just stay silent. That works too.
As far as I'm concerned, friendship is about honesty. If you feel the need to lie to me, then I can't be your true friend now, can I? And if you've lied to me, think about all the other people you've lied to. They must not be your friends either.
My intuition is 99.9% right. Matter of fact, it's not even intuition; it's knowledge. I KNOW I'm right about these things. |
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just comparing results with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gangrel_83 |
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| 12:54pm 12/11/2003 |
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Hmm... more paranoid, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, and dependent. That's 6 out of 10... |
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| in a nutshell... |
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| 08:06pm 09/11/2003 |
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mood: warm. :) music: melissa's mix
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This weekend was cool... and COLD.
I have new music: Maroon5, India.Arie, and the Kill Bill soundtrack.
I got neat presents, and I met a bunch of really sexy people. Good stuff. :)
Now, off to watch Charmed. |
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